Poetry Edition IV
a night-blooming cereus; throw us a party, gather around and beg us to bloom. watch us in the night; examine us as our hands unfurl and lips move toward each other. insist we should not be hesitant; write about what you saw on the side porch in justified text on newspaper pages. look at our starlit petals; wonder why you ever insisted the world would be better off without us. i think i want (i think i want) a saturday morning, tiny hangovers, and yellow sunlight. coffee in two mugs, holding and sipping slowly, sitting on my mattress. take a shower, wash off the night together. i think i want (i think i want) small and soft moments with you, as a part-time lover. maybe when i put my arms around your shoulders and pulled you against my chest on the couch, i should’ve run. i should’ve left you, because i felt a chain forming between my heart and yours, and perhaps that metal would leave shrapnel in me. but instead, i leaned in because it was like fate was kissing my wounds by giving you to me. maybe falling for you on that november night was both my best decision and my greatest downfall converging. when i kissed you goodbye in the dark, you stood up. you hugged me so tight. we would make it. it would be okay. a month wasn’t that long and we’d call. i clung to you. i never wanted to let go. i said goodbye to you and your dorm. i faked a smile as i said i love you and snuck out of that room one last time. in the hallway and down the stairs, tears fell down my face. god, i already missed you. 7 am. i-55 north. the sun is rising. my head is resting on the backseat door, and i miss you. our friend tells me he knows my problem; i love people too much. he says he’s never met anyone who loves someone as much as i love you. i wish it didn’t make sense. i wish i couldn’t agree. 28 things i loved doing with you around 1. fraternity family dinners (i wore a little black dress) 2. taking pictures of your cat 3. grocery shopping (you asked me to take a picture of you smiling on an isle) 4. getting sick (you brought me soup) 5. getting my period (you heated up a cornsack for me and held me long and tight) 6. buying candles (we took forever, showing each other the scents we liked, the scents we hated) 7. eating so many salads 8. sushi dates (it’s all you can eat, so i ate too much) 9. reading poetry (you reading to me) 10. writing poetry 11. eating pizza (and watching a movie on your couch) 12. gossiping (it’s a bad habit) 13. wearing short dresses 14. drinking from solo cups 15. wearing rain boots (i looked stupid when i wore them paired with your sweatpants) 16. figuring out our fall schedule (let’s take a class together) 17. studying (what the fuck is foreign portfolio investment?) 18. eating the rice you microwaved for me 19. taking selfies (and commenting that our chins sort of look a little similar) 20. singing shania twain 21. driving in the car 22. seeing our friends in a big group 23. seeing our friends in small groups 24. looking into each other’s eyes 25. simply looking 26. simply living 27. breathing 28. loving Tiny Poems you became a stained glass window pieced together by my deepest admiration and filtering the morning sun. i started crying after i saw you were dressed for the weather, it’s been getting colder, it’s fall now, so you’re dressing for the season. like a cliche, like the leaves, my tears fell. chew me up & spit me out. somehow, i’ll still miss the warmth of your mouth. my throat hurts too much to say excuse me. look at us lying down it’s june in summer now. you leave your signature with your lips on my neck, with your love on my nervous system. so here’s to all the time i spent training myself to say “i love you” to the mirror so i could feel like i deserved it when you said it to my face. i’ll live for the next time i have you (if only just for the night).
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